What If . . . ? Part I
by teatempest
Summary: Marie/Rogue contemplates the difficulties of her mutation as Logan makes a startling discovery


What If . . .? Part I  
  
Is this how it will always be? Marie thought to herself, as she watched the happiness touch everyone around her. Scott and Jean had just announced they were expecting a baby. Everyone at the school crowded around them to express congratulations. Marie held back. It wasn't that she wasn't happy for Scott and Jean, but their announcement simply emphasized what she would never have, could never have. Even if she could find someone who could love her and touch her, her mutation would never allow them to have a child. And it was times like these that she was reminded of that fact.  
  
It had been five years since she had come to the school. She thought of the people at the school as her family. Remembering that, she stepped forward to give Jean and Scott hugs, careful not to touch their naked flesh with her own.   
  
"I'm so happy for you, sugar." Marie said as she embraced Jean.  
  
"Thank you, Marie. That means a lot." Jean said with a radiant smile.  
  
The part of Logan that Marie had absorbed when she'd touched him all those years ago came out as she turned to Scott and said, "Congratulations, but let's hope the kid looks like Jeannie."  
  
Maybe Marie had sensed him and that is why that part of her came out, because from behind she heard a familiar voice say, "My sentiments exactly!"  
  
As she turned, Marie heard Jean exclaim, "Logan! Welcome back! Did you hear our news?"  
  
Marie didn't hear the rest of the conversation as she stared hungrily at the man she had loved for almost five years. Logan hadn't changed much. His healing mutation kept him from aging. He could be 35 or he could be 55. The secrets of his past had not been revealed in the last five years. He came and went as he pleased, continuing the search for his past, yet running away from it too. There had always been a strong bond between Marie and Logan, from their shared experiences, but he always saw her as a child. He never really noticed her move from girlhood to womanhood. His thoughts during those years were centered on his attraction to Jean, much to Marie's (and Scott's) dismay. Seeing something else she couldn't have so close on the heels of the announcement by Jean and Scott hit Marie like a blow.  
  
Why now? She wondered. She knew Logan would be hurting from this latest development in Scott's and Jean's relationship and she wasn't sure if she could deal with that as well as her own unrequited love and desire for real physical contact.  
  
"You sure are being quiet!" Logan said, bringing Marie out of her thoughts. Shaking herself mentally, Marie noticed the group breaking up and soon it was just her and Logan.   
  
"I was just taking it all in." Marie said as she walked over to Logan and gave him a hug even though she knew it would make him uncomfortable, not because he feared touching her. He was one of the few who touched her without fear, even though he'd experienced what could happen if their flesh touched. No, it made him uncomfortable because he didn't like to think of himself as someone who gave or received hugs-he was too much of a macho man.  
  
"Yeah" Logan grunted. "That was some announcement."  
  
Trying to act casually, Marie asked, "So where'd you go this time?"  
  
"Here and there. Canada mostly." Logan replied  
  
"Find anything interesting?"  
  
"Just a few fights." He looked a Marie intently and said, "So how about you and Bobby? I didn't see him here."  
  
"Bobby's fine, I'm not sure where he is, he'll probably be at dinner." Marie replied. She neglected to mention that she and Bobby had broken up. Why would Logan care anyway? She thought.  
  
"Speaking of dinner, I better unpack before that." Logan said as he picked up his bag. "We'll talk some more later."  
__________________________________________________________  
  
Damn Logan thought as he headed upstairs. Why'd didn't she just tell me she and Bobby had broken up? Jean had mentioned in her last letter, the demise of Marie's relationship with Bobby, but hadn't gotten into specifics. Logan didn't care. It was enough to get him to start back home, back to Marie. He wasn't sure when his feelings had changed. He just knew that one day he had looked at Marie one day and saw a young girl who needed protection, and the next saw a beautiful, vibrant woman who radiated both strength and fragility. Around that same time however, he noticed a change in her relationship with Bobby. They'd always been close friends, but now it seemed more. He knew it wasn't sexual, but he wasn't gonna stick around and find out when that changed. He'd jumped on Cyke's bike and taken off to Canada to cool off. Now he was back and he intended to stay until things were settled with Marie.  
  
__________________________________________________________  
  
Bobby Marie thought of him with a sad smile. Things had been tense between them since she had broken it off with them. She was sad about that. Bobby had been one of her first friends at the school. He had been her first, and to date, only, boyfriend. After four years of pining for Logan, Marie had given up on the thought of being with him. She hadn't stopped loving him; she just accepted that he would never love her. As she spent more and more time with Bobby, she began to see him in a different light. She fell in love with him-not with the intensity of her love for Logan-but rather in a sweet, first-love kind of way. The kind of love one has for a high school sweetheart. Marie tried to have a relationship with Bobby. It was easier once Logan left shortly after she and Bobby started dating.   
  
At first things had been great. They had been like teenagers. They went to the movies, for walks, and to concerts. They giggled and held hands. Bobby didn't fear touching her, and they had even kissed through her scarf, but as things intensified, Marie began to have her doubts. When they went to the movies she saw couples who held hands that weren't separated by layers of material. On their walks she noticed women who were expecting babies, and their proud partners rubbing their tummies. At concerts she saw couples dance cheek to cheek. Marie began to wonder what kind of life she could have, what kind of life Bobby could have without real physical contact. Marie decided that even if she had to do without that, Bobby didn't, and she broke it off with him. He argued, and asked her why. When she told him, he said he didn't understand and that was another reason to break it off with him. How could she spend her life with someone who didn't understand what it was like not to be able to touch another human being without killing them?  
  
"Marie, how are you doing my dear?" Professor Charles Xavier's voice startled Marie out of her thoughts.   
  
"Professor, you scared me!"   
  
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to," said the Professor. "What are you so deep in thought about? You seem sad and this is such a happy day with Jean's & Scott's news and the return of Logan."  
  
"That's what I've been thinking about." Marie said. Hesitantly she looked a the professor and asked, "Do you think I'll ever be able to have a day like this?"  
  
"What do you mean?" the professor asked.  
  
"Do you think I'll ever have a man who loves me, and can touch me? Will I ever be able to have a baby?  
  
The professor sighed, "I don't know Marie. I know that any man would be lucky to have you. He would be lucky to love you and be loved by you. But physically, I don't know if you'll ever be able to conceive and carry a child. I'm sorry."  
  
"I think I would do anything to be able to have that." Marie said as she walked away. "I hate this mutation, I wish it had never happened to me!!"  
  
"Be careful what you wish for Marie, you may get it." The professor said quietly as she walked away.  
__________________________________________________________  
  
Marie met Logan as she was walking back from her talk with the professor and asked, "Hey Logan, take me for a ride?"  
  
"Sure, why not?" he replied.  
  
They got on the motorcycle and drove around for hours. When they stopped they were in the middle of nowhere. Marie walked over to a rock under   
a tree and sat down.   
  
"What's the matter, kid?" Logan asked, "You and Iceman have a fight?"  
  
"Bobby and I broke up weeks ago." Marie said. "He's still angry, but he'll get over it eventually."  
  
"What happened?"  
  
"I just realized that a relationship with me wasn't fair to him, wasn't fair to anyone." Marie said, staring off into space.  
  
"What do you mean? Any guy would be luck to have you." Logan said, looking embarrassed at such an unmanly remark when Marie turned to stare at him.  
  
"Oh yeah, what luck, to be in love with a woman you can't touch, can't have sex with and can't have children with. I can't imagine why there aren't a hundred men fighting over me."  
  
"Marie, you are beautiful, strong, and intelligent. And anyone with a little imagination can get around the no touching bare skin thing."  
  
"Maybe, but you can't get around the no babies thing.' She said.  
  
"Not all men want babies, I would hate to produce a mutant child who would be teased or tormented." Logan said.  
  
"Maybe not all men want babies," Marie said " but I want babies, I want touch." She looked Logan straight in the eye and said, "I want to be able to make love with the man I love without scarves, or bodysuits. I want to feel him. Don't you want to feel the woman you love?"  
  
Logan reached out a gloved hand and pushed Marie's hair out of her face, tilted up her head and looked her directly in the eyes and said, "I have felt her." Then he bent down, pulled her scarf over her lips and kissed her.  
  
End Part I  



End file.
